YEAR IN REVIEW : 2017

YEAR IN REVIEW : 2017


I want to start by saying that looking back at this year I'm not really sure where it even went! Time is such a thief, and I can't believe that 2018 will be here this coming Monday and that I have been writing pieces of my life on this blog going on four years! Sometimes I am more active than others, but I love looking back and seeing where I was at during my marriage. Before I started writing this entry I went back and read my previous year in review posts and I couldn't help but smile during it all.

Sometimes it doesn't feel like we are progressing and that we are just staying in the same spot, but the good thing about documenting pieces of your life is that you are able to look back and see you were moving in a direction and things were changing even if it didn't seem like it at the time.

I really wanted to take the time to think about where I see myself this time next year, I have always been a goal oriented person, and I make goals for myself throughout not just for New Years. However, if I'm thinking about a bigger picture than New Years felt like the right time to really reflect and prepare myself to make changes for what is to come.

Last year I didn't really write about what I wanted to do and achieve, I mostly just reflected on the good things that happened and vowed to myself to be more present throughout my life. At that time I was really not thinking about myself and what I wanted, I was still a new mom and every moment of my day depended on Everly. I still live my days for my daughter don't get me wrong, but now that she is older and more independent I think I need to start looking after myself a bit more and figuring out what I would really like to do.

1. Hobby wise one thing I have always wanted to learn but never took the time was knitting (it is no secret I'm an 80 year old woman). This is something that I want to learn this year for sure, I want to take a class and really take the time to learn this skill. I was able to teach myself crochet this year and even though I haven't been able to do anything crazy, I have been able to relax and unwind with a crochet hook and some yarn.

2. I really want to focus more on my career and my workplace. Now that I have been back from maternity leave for almost five months now I really would like to explore more of the skills and techniques used in my day to day job, and just overall put the effort into moving forward.

3. I hate writing about this in a resolutions post but I will be getting back into the ketogenic lifestyle. It did wonders for me when I started in the summer and with all the craziness of going back to work and being on the road more I let it slip. However, I have invested in some cookbooks and started following some accounts for inspiration and help and I really think I can get back into it again.


4. My marriage really got thrown through the ringer this year. We had lots of challenges and at some points I truly didn't think we would make it through. However we were able to stick it out together and fight for each other and we are doing so much better. As wonderful as it is being new parents, it came with a whole set of challenges and we are learning everyday to work through them as a team instead of alone. I want to continue to have that understanding and work at strengthening our marriage further. 

5. Lastly, this little space on the internet here. It will always hold a special place in my heart because some of my hopes, dreams, fears, and uncertainty's are on here. I never regret being open and honest, I like that I am able to look back and know that there are parts of my life that are raw and unfiltered. You may not have noticed a new name for my blog and a new look. I also am hoping to finally get rid of the .blogspot part and get my own domain.

The last few months of 2017 I really started investing in myself and my mental health. I didn't realize how far gone I was until I really started looking in the mirror and not being able to recognize myself. I have slowly been trying to fix that, and I am really happy with where it is going. I have been able to pull back from the things that used to get to me or drag me to a negative space. This includes events and also people, it is always interesting to see how toxic people can be in your life and using the techniques I'm learning I have found that in order for me to continue to have a healthy head space, I need to withdraw from people who are consistently negative and revisit them later. 

2017 was a great year despite all the challenges, I loved celebrating our daughter's first birthday and growing closer to family and friends. I am excited and hopeful for 2018 and everything it holds for myself and my family. I truly hope everyone out there has a safe and happy 2018!
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HAPPY HOLIDAYS

HAPPY HOLIDAYS



I want to take a moment before the craziness of the holidays kick in and wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! I cannot believe we are 6 days away from Christmas, three years ago I started this blog documenting being a newly married couple. This year is our daughter's second Christmas! Time is flying and it just doesn't feel real sometimes. 

I will be writing my annual end of the year post a few days after Christmas, there is a lot of reflecting I want to do for the new year and I have a lot of changes coming!

I hope everyone enjoys good food and good company, stay safe! 

xo
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WEEKEND DIY AND FINE MOTOR ACTIVITY

WEEKEND DIY AND FINE MOTOR ACTIVITY



One thing I love about all the experience I have with working at early learning centres, working with children, and going to school to study education is all the ideas and creative outlets I have brought with me. This weekend I decided to practice some fine motor skills with Everly and make Christmas ornaments. 

I was surprised with how stocked our local dollar store was and decided to grab as much as I could while they had all the supplies. We used pom poms with different textures and colours, bells, confetti, and some fake snow. I basically set out the different items and let her fill each ball to her liking. It was so cute to see her grab each item, I made sure I supervised her heavily because like most toddlers she has an obsession with putting everything in her mouth. 

I think overall what shocked me the most was the fact that she actually sat there and made three different ones. Being able to hold her attention for that long was a miracle all in itself. 

Each ornament is like a snowflake, no two are the same and that's what I love the most! She made each one herself and we still have some more left over. We kept some for her "playroom tree," and we plan on giving away a few as gifts to family. 

This was such a fun way to start spreading holiday cheer in our house and shape up her fine motor skills. The educator and DIYer in me was smiling the entire time :) 


If you are looking for a fun and inexpensive activity to do with your kids that is fun and helpful to them, I would definitely recommend this one!
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WHERE HAVE I BEEN?!

WHERE HAVE I BEEN?!


It has almost been 2 months since I have posted something and it is so crazy to me that I haven't had the time or the desire to. Truth is, I have sat down a couple times and started a couple posts that are saved as drafts, but I just haven't felt like the content is anything original or worth sharing so I have just walked away and left them as drafts. I started this blog just after I got married to highlight my life, the good and the bad. Whether people read it or not was never an issue for me, I just love writing and I love being able to look back on moments of my marriage and remember everything. When I was home with Everly I was able to write updates and little DIY's that I was doing while she was napping, but now that I am back at work my focus is on so many different things that I just haven't felt inspired to write anything. 

Currently I have been back working full time which has come with its challenges, being off for a year you realize how rusty you get with your job but everyday it gets a little better. Everly loves daycare and is always exploring and doing different things with friends. One of her favourite things is when they walk down to the bus stop to take the school age kids to school. I plan on doing a little mini update on Everly in a little bit so stay tuned for more updates for her! When Everly is sleeping I have been keeping busy at night, whether it is crocheting or painting wooden dolls (peg people) I have found both to be a lot of fun. 

Life has us pretty busy, I didn't really realize just HOW busy until I saw it had been two months since I last wrote a blog post. The fall was absolutely beautiful so every weekend we were outside doing something whether it was the pumpkin patch or going for walks in the trail. I have a couple ideas for blog posts for the holiday season because I am OBSESSED with Christmas. 

This season of our life has been pretty busy with some difficult transitions but slowly we are accepting our new normal and starting to get used to everything. It was a rough start but since then I feel like everything is falling into place. I felt really lost there for a while and I felt like the things I held close were slipping away and I also felt like I was having trouble really figuring out what I want to do as a career. I'm still not quite sure but I feel like I am slowly getting closer to figuring it out. I also feel like my marriage is in such a better place than it was a couple months ago, I am so thankful for how patient Kyle has been throughout all this craziness. 

I hope everyone enjoyed their fall and are getting ready for that holiday hustle! 


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A LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER

A LETTER TO MY DAUGHTER


Dear Everly, 

This last year has gone by in the blink of an eye, I sit every morning, coffee in hand and watch you move around and explore and I can't believe my own eyes. I can't believe that you are part of me and that I get to keep you forever. 

Prepping for your arrival was definitely interesting, I nested the minute I found out you were a girl. I had always envisioned a little lady and I was smitten when the tech said "it's a girl!" The road to have you was hard and at times felt hopeless but you were growing inside me perfectly and I woke up every morning beyond thankful. 

Nine months seemed to fly by just like your first year because before I knew it I was sitting in my doctor's office for my 38 week checkup, he asked me if I was having any cramping or pain and I said no which made me upset because I felt like it was going to be forever until your arrival. He checked me and said "you're 7cm, you're going to have this baby today." 


Unfortunately my Dr didn't realize I was dealing with a mini me, which meant you didn't actually arrive until 4 days later because you're stubborn just like your mama. Our journey started off rocky, you were new in this world and I was new at being a mama. I was scared, nervous, and unsure of everything I was doing with you. Breastfeeding was really hard, you were needing more than I could provide and I beat myself up over it for a long time. I took you to lactation consultants for help, you were losing weight and it was scaring me. Ultimately we made the choice to formula feed and once you were getting the food you needed you started to thrive. Seeing you thrive put my mind at ease, and I started to be a little easier on myself, my mental state got better, and our relationship blossomed. 

I can remember the first couple weeks we co-slept, and I loved having your little body next to mine, you loved sleeping on your side so I felt you breathing all through the night. I loved opening my eyes to your beautiful face every morning. When you were about six weeks, you started to outgrow co sleeping, and you started sleeping in your own room in your crib. I couldn't believe it, for every milestone instead of forcing things, I let you lead me. You have never steered me wrong, your sleep schedule, feeding schedule, everything has been set because you showed me exactly what you needed. 


The beginning was hectic, at times it feels like a blur. But looking back it was such an amazing time in my life. You were such a good baby, never cried unless you were hungry, and you were all smiles for the people around you. I see more of your personality shine through everyday and I can see myself in you and also your dad. You're spunky like me, you have that "my way or the highway" mentality right now, but I see moments when your heart is so big and you love so much, and I know you get that from your dad. 

You are and always will be the light of my life, my rainbow baby, my heart and soul. I would do anything just to see that sweet little smile, and I can't wait to continue to watch you grow and see the things you do. I hope this next year is filled with love and growth - I hope you continue to be healthy and happy every day. I hope I can continue to teach you things and show you more of the world so we can learn together. 

I owe so much to you, you challenged me and showed me the type of person I want to be everyday. You showed me the importance of acceptance and patience. Saying I love you just doesn't feel like enough, but I love you so much. I see the bond I have with my mom and I hope years from now we have a bond that is similar. Something that is special between the two of us, I already feel so incredibly connected to you. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents, I hope we make you proud xo
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EVERLY'S FIRST BIRTHDAY

EVERLY'S FIRST BIRTHDAY


I don't think my heart has fully been able to accept that I am sitting here writing the blog post of my daughter's first birthday party. Even though her actual first birthday is September 11, we wanted to celebrate before all the back to school and end of summer madness. What a year it has been for my family and myself, I sometimes sit back and think about how far we have come in this whole journey in general. How just about two years ago we had no hope of starting a family, we weren't sure if it would ever happen for us and here we are - celebrating our daughter's first birthday. It took everything in me not to cry through her entire party, she is so loved by everyone in her life and that really showed this weekend. We had close friends and family on both Kyle's side and mine come together and spoil Everly with laughter and memories. It is truly one of those days I will never forget, 18 years from now when she wants nothing to do with us haha and I see these photos and videos I will always remember the feelings I felt celebrating with her.

Her theme was "Onederland," which was like a little floral oasis mixed with pinks and pastels, pretty much as girly as it gets. There was so much more I wanted to make for her party but overall I think it turned out really beautiful. The kids did a piñata which was fun to see the little ones try their hardest to break it. We filled it with small toys and some candy. The birthday favours were all personalized hand painted peg people, I figured instead of getting a bunch of small cheap plastic toys that people throw out anyways I would get something a little more special. We also had the most beautiful hand painted sugar cookies made by someone local to us, she had put water coloured flowers on them and they were so amazing, but at the same time way too beautiful to eat lol.

The weather was perfect, not too hot and not too cold. Overall the day went smoothly except for some minor teething pains (she popped another tooth that morning). We also had printed out some photos from her cake smash we did the weekend before. Those turned out so amazing, I styled the shoot and Kyle snapped away - reminded me of how much I loved working with him for photography. We decided to try a milk bath for her photos afterwards and it turned out perfect.

Happy First Birthday my sweet sweet girl!










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PLAYHOUSE GOALS : SUMMER DIY

PLAYHOUSE GOALS : SUMMER DIY


At the beginning of the summer, maybe even the spring I made it my mission to search for a playhouse that needed a little extra love. Going into it I thought it would be easy to find, but little did I know the hunt was long and when I did find a listing it often felt like the hunger games fighting to see who actually ends up with it. I had no idea these were in such high demand, and they resold for quite a bit of money. I saw some going for $80+.

I had pretty much given up my search when I stumbled upon this listing in my community buy and sell page and I almost had a heart attack, I saw it was listed for $20 which was a steal, but I also saw it was posted 6 hours ago so I figured it had already been swept up. As I scrolled I found out that it was still available so I did not waste any time, I got Kyle to take his dad's truck down to the house and load it up! I was so excited to start this little project because it was in perfect shape to do so. There was sun damage so it wouldn't be hard to cover it up with fresh paint.

I borrowed a power washer and cleaned it off the first night and let it dry over night. The next day I went to Home Depot and got some outdoor spray paint that is meant for plastic. I got all matte shades, except for mint because they only had it in gloss finish. Funny thing and important to note if anyone wants to attempt this project, you don't see any mint here and that's because gloss does.not.work at all for this. It did not coat the door well and it dried streaky and gross. So I went with this magenta colour instead and I like the pop of colour it brings to the playhouse.

I pinned a lot of ideas on Pinterest and that helped going into it. I had read a few other posts people did and they said it took them cans and cans of paint. For mine, I only used 3 cans for the walls, 2 cans for the roof, and one can for the pop of colour (I still have tons of this magenta colour left).

All in all I LOVE how this turned out, I am so excited for next summer for Everly to play and enjoy it. I want to buy some accessories for her like food and such so she can really use her imagination. Am I a completely "extra" parent for doing this? For sure. BUT doing stuff like this is what makes me happy, it is no secret I love DIY's and creating, this is just another way to channel that but for Everly's benefit :) 

This project cost me $20 to buy the house, and $50 to paint it, which I think is pretty great. Since used these go for a lot more, and new they are $150-$200 to start! Above is the before picture, and here is the after! I think it looks much more sophisticated and modern, and less in your face with colours. At first Kyle thought I was crazy, but once he saw it all come together he thought it was a really fun and inexpensive way to take something and make it new again.



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KETOGENIC LIFESTYLE: TWO MONTHS IN

KETOGENIC LIFESTYLE: TWO MONTHS IN



This will probably be my last update regarding the keto lifestyle because it is pretty repetitive at this point. It has been two months since I started eating this way and I have made some adjustments that are a better fit for me, but doesn't necessarily mean I fall under the "keto" category anymore.

I think in terms of being able to jumpstart better eating and weight loss, this was exactly what I needed. The scale wasn't moving no matter what methods I tried, and this was the first time I saw great results and it motivated me to continue. I'm no where near where I need to or want to be, but I am happy with working towards it slowly and safely.

Now, I tend to still stick to a low carb diet, I think that is my best bet. I was eating WAAY more carbs than I thought, and it was not doing me any favours. My body hasn't gone into ketosis in a while but I know that if I want to kick start a good burn having my body go into ketosis is the way to go. I know I am human and I get cravings and life happens so I have learned to just have things in moderation, something I was not doing before. I also learned the relationship I had with food, like many people it became a crutch. When I was stressed or upset I just ate; something that also was not doing me any favours. I see food differently, which sounds so strange to say but I have better outlets when I am stressed or upset.

I know that to be at a good weight that I am happy with, I would like to lose another 30lbs. Today, I have lost a total of 26lbs. Something I have a hard time wrapping my head around, but it took a lot of hard work to get here. I have no intentions of going back to the weight I was. I also want to be at a healthy weight for when we want to start trying again, which won't be for a little bit but I want to give myself time to get there.

Life right now is a bit chaotic, and it has been hard not to slip into this hole I usually slip into. But Everly helps a lot, she keeps me busy and she keeps my heart happy. I plan to continue limiting my carb intake, and working towards being a much healthier version of myself.
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WHAT'S NEXT?

WHAT'S NEXT?


Ahh that million dollar question I have been getting non stop for the last month. As I prepare to go back to work (insert crying eyes here), people have been wondering what comes next. I like to consider myself a serious planner, even though things may not always happen in the time frame I would like them to, I have it all planned out. For the first time in a long time, I've got nothing! Sorry to disappoint you, but this is the one question I honestly do not know how to answer!

What I do know is that in a couple weeks I am back to work full time and Everly is going to daycare. This alone is breaking my heart. As much as I know it will be good for her to make friends and all that jazz, it has been her and I everyday for the last year. We will adjust as time goes on, but this transition time is going to be hard for me.

More babies? Maybe. I say maybe but my heart is screaming YES OF COURSE. Right now I am continuing to work on myself (I have one last follow up blog post coming about eating keto), and just enjoying our daughter. Everly is 98% of my time and energy and I love that. So I know my heart isn't ready to split time. I am just open to whatever happens, I want to do it right if possible in the sense that I would like to go back to my OB and have him see where I am at in terms of hormones and levels. It has been so long I have no idea where I stand, which is scary too. Putting myself back into a place where I am vulnerable again is really scary. Going through our trials of getting pregnant feels like another lifetime ago, which is both good and bad. I have no idea where I'm at and the thought of possibly having to experience more losses is something my heart can't handle. 

I get really nostalgic when life changes are about to happen. Like right now, I think back to last year when I was about 31 weeks pregnant. I felt like I had all this time and that a year is so long.. but it's not. It goes by in lightning speed. I saw the tv show I was watching the night my water broke, and I couldn't help but get emotional over that!

Writing more? I hope so! Time will be a little few and far between once I am working again. But I know for sure I want to write about Everly, I love being able to look back on pregnancy and early moments.

Right now I am trying to just ride the wave and see where it takes me. So far it has been bumpy but rewarding. We shall see what happens, I'll try to keep you posted!
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TEN MONTHS WITH EVERLY

TEN MONTHS WITH EVERLY


Well here we are again! This last month has been crazy in terms of development for her. I feel like in the last probably three weeks she has learned so much! We have also set up her fading schedule into daycare, which broke my heart a little as I'm sure it does for most moms. I do feel good about her being in good hands and making friends, she has been loving interacting with kids lately!

Last month I thought she might be teething, but no new teeth have made an appearance! She still has just two little pegs at the bottom! That hasn't stopped her from eating though, she LOVES food. Broccoli is probably her favourite, and I will definitely soak in all the free will to trying new things because I know sooner or later we will have a picky eater on our hands!

This month she has become a pro at crawling, her speed is insane. I also understand the whole "peeing in peace" thing that parents talk about. She also has gotten the hang of waving and loves to wave hello and goodbye, sometimes you will get a one handed wave and other times you'll be lucky enough to get a two handed wave haha. She also knows what a cow says, one night we were reading her a bedtime story and she saw a cow and did her little moo sound. I think that really took Kyle back because he doesn't get to see all these little things every day like I do, so he is starting to understand how much she is actually learning. She also pulled herself up and is standing now, so walking is the natural next step!

She still hates getting dressed, don't we all haha. Her hair is looking really thick like mine and Kyle's, and her eyes are a ashy brown it looks like right now.

This time next month I will be starting work again and I honestly am having a hard time comprehending that. I have been really soaking in every single minute with her and making sure I don't take one second of it for granted.


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GO BEYOND YOUR EXPECTATIONS

GO BEYOND YOUR EXPECTATIONS


These last two months I have found that I have really pushed myself past what I thought I could do, or something I doubted myself doing at all. At the end of May I got a tattoo, and if you know me at all this is something I had always wanted to do but never thought I could do. After I got it done I sat and couldn't believe I did it! It is amazing what you can accomplish by simply going for it and stop doubting your strength.

Tonight I finally finished and launched something I have debated doing for years now and that is creating an etsy shop! I had always doubted my ability to do this and tonight I finally decided to just push those doubts aside and go for it. 

Right now my little shop only has two items but that is okay! I plan on adding more once I finish making the sample and can photograph them. I love making these little Cross Stitch portraits, there is something so therapeutic about sitting and creating something from a memory. 

Even if I don't ever make a sale, at least I was able to prove to myself I could open a shop and start something. To me that is what it is all about, and I will continue to go beyond what I think is possible because the joy I get from proving myself wrong is truly something else. 

If you would like to check it out, please click here, I would love the support :) 
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KETOGENIC WAY OF LIFE : ONE MONTH LATER

KETOGENIC WAY OF LIFE : ONE MONTH LATER


It has been just over a month since I started eating a ketogenic based diet, and even though there have been a few times where I ate something that would throw my body out of ketosis, I have been pretty dedicated to eating this way. Overall, I feel really good! I don't feel deprived like I thought I would, and I feel like I have way more energy. 

I have made a point to stay within 25 net carbs a day and it has not been as hard as I thought it would be, I have a meal plan that has been set and it is something that I am happy with. I also don't beat myself up if I eat something that will throw me off because that is life! 


The black and white photo was taken about a week before I started and it is me at my heaviest. Having a baby is the most magical experience and I loved being pregnant, but the aftermath has been really challenging. I knew it would be hard for me to lose the baby weight but I didn't think it would be this challenging. The one on the right was this past weekend. I always find the best way to tell weight loss is through progress pictures, for a while even though my body felt better (which was great!) I was hoping to look different too. I didn't think I looked very different until I saw these two photos. I can definitely see a difference especially in my face and it gives me the motivation to keep going. 

My nurse practitioner explained that a ketogenic diet can be controversial to some nutritionists, but it has been the only thing that has worked for my body. This way of life is recommended for diabetics and people who have PCOS like myself. For the first time in a long time I am working WITH my body instead of against it. 

Since starting this (which will now be my way of life forever and I'm okay with that) I have lost 18lbs. I am unsure of inches I never measured and I wish I did. I know that it is not always about a number but more how you feel, and I agree, but it is nice to see that number go down because I was at a place where I was not healthy. I am glad I made the choice to do this because I wanted my body to be in its best shape to hopefully carry another baby in the future. Being the weight I was at would not have been healthy to get pregnant. I essentially weighed the same amount when I started as I did when I was 9 months pregnant and I just wasn't having it anymore. 

Overall, it has been a great learning experience for me and it has shown me a lot about the amount of carbs I was putting into my body. Now I focus more on the healthy carbs found in veggies and fruit as opposed to the unhealthy carbs I was shovelling into my mouth before. 

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NINE MONTHS WITH EVERLY

NINE MONTHS WITH EVERLY


These pictures were SO hard to get, which is why they look so crummy. She is such a wiggle worm! Everly this month is 9 months old and I have been so upset this month about it because I only have 2 months left with her before I return to work. That came up in the blink of an eye, I was looking through photos of when we first brought her home and it seems like another lifetime ago, but it also feels like yesterday. I am slowly starting to understand why people have more babies! 

I think recently she started teething again, and this time it has been a lot harder on her and has really taken a toll on her mood. She is more whiney and less happy go lucky like she normally is. She pretty much eats whatever we eat now, and she has slowly started crawling! She isn't super fast at it just yet, but she also has started pulling herself up onto pretty much anything but her favourite thing is to climb Kyle and I like a jungle gym. 

I took her for a doctor appointment this week and she is hitting all her milestones and she currently weighs 25lbs and is 30 inches long. She wears size 4 diapers (although I think she is almost ready for size 5!) and wears size 18-24 month clothing. I wish I was joking, but this little lady is long just like her daddy. She loves playing peek a boo but her favourite thing is to give us kisses, they are open mouth, slobbery, adorable kisses and I love when she does it. 

She really does not like getting dressed/undressed/or having her diaper changed. It is the biggest struggle! But she loves her water table, swimming, the park, and her smart trike. This month we also took her to Marineland and she LOVED it. This weekend is Kyle's first Father's Day and we have been surprising him everyday with small little gifts made by Everly. 

Everyday she has such a spunky personality, I see myself and Kyle in her but I also see a person forming that is all her own. She is so perfect and beautiful, I have loved every minute of being her momma! 



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WEEKEND ROUNDUP

WEEKEND ROUNDUP


We are finally getting the nice weather here and we decided to take full advantage once again! We spent most of the weekend outside clearing up the yard and today we decided to take a break and head on over to the zoo!


Everly still doesn't care much for the animals but it is still so cool to take her around and have her seeing all the different types. I also probably looked like a crazy person explaining each animal and the sound they made to a baby who could care less but oh well! Every opportunity is a learning opportunity haha.


It is also time for us to invest in the front of our house and creating gardens and making the curb appeal a lot nicer. Kyle is so proud of the front garden and the one on our deck so we had to snap a few photos of the finished product! I love the way the ladder turned out (thanks Pinterest!) I think it adds something to the garden and helps carry the eye up and around the trees.




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KETOGENIC WAY OF LIFE : WEEK ONE

KETOGENIC WAY OF LIFE : WEEK ONE



Boy oh boy, I thought I've experienced hard things before but not eating any kinds of carbs or processed sugar has been a whole other experience. Let's start at the beginning..

It's been really challenging losing the baby weight, harder than I thought it would be and that had really got me down and discouraged. I really hated looking at myself in the mirror and I kept having to buy new clothes at big sizes because I just wasn't fitting into what I could wear before. I was trying to change the way I was eating and nothing was working, the scale was staying put which was pretty discouraging too. It was basically this back and forth battle with myself and I could feel my personality just dwindling.

In March, my mom came home from Florida and started this new lifestyle because she is diabetic and has been wanting to get herself off insulin. She said she was starting a "ketogenic" way of eating and it was something I had never heard of before. After her first week she lost just over 10lbs, and has since lost almost 30lbs after starting! (YAY MOM!)

For the first couple months of her doing it she was giving me tips and telling me to try it out because it is recommended for people who has PCOS, and I kept telling her that I "didn't eat that many carbs so it didn't matter." Finally last week something switched and I really paid attention to what I was eating and the labels on the food and it turns out I was powered by carbs.

After a couple days of research I started and in the first day I lost 5lbs. When I stepped on the scale the next day I was floored. Granted, a lot of that was probably water weight but just seeing the scale finally go down was really motivating.

The first 4 days were the hardest for sure, your body is wondering where the hell your processed food is and I got the keto flu as they call it. I felt so tired, moody, headaches, and all I wanted was to swim in a pool of bread. If you can push past the first couple days I promise you do wake up feeling normal again.

The picture above was the first day I woke up and felt good, I felt human and my body didn't feel tired or "blah." Finding things to eat is sometimes a challenge, but I am glad I have my mom to ask questions with and to help push me through the hard spot. I definitely would have caved a lot earlier if it wasn't for her and I'm glad I pushed through the hard part because I feel really awesome.

So far for progress, after one week of having a ketogenic diet I have lost 8lbs total! Which is so crazy to me but I'm pretty impressed and happy so far with the results I have had. I plan on doing updates here and there as time goes on!
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SMALL SHOP LOVE : JUJU AND JAKE

SMALL SHOP LOVE : JUJU AND JAKE


I haven't done one of these in a while and I have a list of small shops I want to feature so I really need to make an effort to do this more! This weekend I wanted to take a second to give Juju and Jake a little love. I have no idea how I found this shop but I am so glad I did, the mom behind this small shop creates these beautiful braided crib bumpers. She also makes knotted pillows as well! 

I was so excited when we received this package because crib bumpers are a tricky item, you want to be able to protect those middle of the night blows to the crib. At the time Everly was a pretty motionless sleeper, I originally got this because she kept throwing her pacifier down the back of her crib. It worked perfectly to stop this, however I have noticed now that she moves a LOT during the night, and I will probably need to order another side to complete the crib. 

The bumper itself is pretty squish and soft, and it can be used for tons of other things as well. She offers different sizing on her etsy shop which can be found here. Another item on my list to grab soon are one of her knotted pillows! I saw these all over in Australia when I was pregnant but the shipping was too much to justify. I love that Agnes is located in Toronto, so I am supporting local and the shipping is so much more reasonable!

If anyone is in the market for something unique but practical for their little one I highly recommend checking Agnes out!


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WHAT I SAID I WOULD NEVER DO AS A PARENT

WHAT I SAID I WOULD NEVER DO AS A PARENT


I have wanted to do this post for a while, mostly because looking back I think it is kind of funny to see how things come full circle. Some of the things I swore I would NEVER do as a parent I find myself doing, and I can't believe I essentially mom shamed some people based on some of the choices I now make myself as a mom.

1. The Schedule
This is probably this biggest thing I swore I would never do. I remember my mom swearing up and down how much being on a schedule helped us growing up, but I would always say "I could never live everyday the same way." I even had a friend with a kid a couple years ago say we had to hang out before her kid went down for a nap and I remember thinking "why can't you go off schedule for ONE day?!"

Hey past Kayla, meet mom Kayla - the mom who literally NEVER goes off schedule. The schedule is everything and I'm okay with that. Sure it's pretty strict now but I know as time goes on it will ease up. I always sit and smile almost every day I put her down for her nap at the same time because I never thought I would be the mom to have their child on a schedule. I love that we have our days planned and there is structure in her life, looking at how much it has helped her I honestly do not think we could ever have a day where things are just anarchy.

2. The Unsolicited Advice
This one was another big one, I remember always saying to people who had kids "well why can't you just do _____." This is one of my biggest pet peeves because I consider myself to be a pretty hands on mom and Everly is always my main priority, unless I approach you with a question or concern please keep your opinions and thoughts to yourself.

I have already gotten my fair share of unsolicited advice and I can see now that I'm a mom how annoying it is to have to listen to it.

3. Stating the Obvious
This kind of goes hand in hand with unsolicited advice but another thing that really grinds my gears is hearing people state the obvious to be regarding my daughter. Again, Everly is always my main priority.. trust me when I say I'm handling it. I don't need to hear "keep an eye out on ___" or "her face has ____" "she has diaper rash." No shit. I've got it.

I can remember saying the obvious to so many people who are moms and now in my head I'm just like "Kayla why?!" It makes it seem like I go every day not looking at my child - I see every mark on her and I'm taking care of it.

4. Parenting My Kid For Me
For all the times someone has given a child a piece of food or let them do something their parents said they couldn't have - there's a special place for you. I have been guilty of doing this in the past and never again will I be guilty of this. We had just started giving Everly solids and someone went to give her something she had first of all never tried, and something I knew she was not ready for. I said no don't give that to her and they continued to do it until I had to raise my voice and say NO. Why did it have to go that far? Who are you to think it is ok to continue to do something the mother says is not ok?


All of these things I am guilty of doing but will never do again. You never know what something is like until you're in it. This post seems a little passive aggressive now that I am reading it back, it is not meant to be. It is just a reminder for myself going forward, I find it interesting that people are so quick to point things out to the mom and mom shame, but never throw anything back at the father. Are there things on this list you were guilty of doing before you became a mom? Did I miss anything? Let me know in the comments!

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DAY IN THE LIFE

DAY IN THE LIFE


Today while Everly napped I was looking through my Snapchat and I thought to myself how lucky it is going to be not only for Everly but for me also to be able to look back and see little moments like this. Technology now is so advanced, we are able to capture every milestone but also capture just day to day moments. Growing up my family never had a video camera, I have never seen a video of me as a child, and photos were limited to big moments only like birthdays and holidays. Mostly because that type of stuff was not accessible to my parents like it is today. 

I love that we not only have our phones for quick access, but we also have Kyle's camera equipment to capture things in much better quality. Lately I have really been loving the editing process, and I have found myself picking up the camera way more than Kyle has. I have a newly found love for photography and capturing a documentary style session. This type of documentary style I have found myself really gravitating towards, the photos are just simple and raw, not staged. The smile or funny face you see is me not directing her to make them, they are pure and her full emotion. I know down the road as much as I will love looking at all the big moments, being able to look back and see just a simple day in our life will be so special too. The types of activities she liked or what brought her joy in that specific moment make me smile and allows me to keep capturing these days. 


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HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY


To all the amazing mother's that are in my life - today is for you. I know now how special, exhausting, and rewarding it is to be a mom and I hope you take the day and spend it exactly how you want to! I feel so lucky to be surrounded by such strong women who can truly do it all, thank you for always being there whenever I need advice. Each and every one of you are truly amazing.

To the women still fighting for their little one - today is for you as well. I know that this day can bring sadness, but you are all just as much a mother as those with physical children. Keep fighting, you are all amazing and brave.

To my daughter: Thank you for choosing me to be your mamma, for loving me every single day, and for being you. You are everything I wished for and more, you have made all my dreams come true. Not a day goes by where you don't make me smile or laugh, I love you endlessly.



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A LETTER TO MY MOM FOR MOTHER'S DAY

A LETTER TO MY MOM FOR MOTHER'S DAY


all that I am or hope to be, I owe to my mother

Dear Mom, 

I have been a mom for just 8 short months and in those months I have found a whole new appreciation and respect for everything that you have done and continue to do for our family. Being a mom has been such a blessing, a blessing that has come with hardships and challenges but every night before I go to bed it is still the biggest joy in my life. How you do it with three kids I'm not sure, but you do it with such grace that it gives me reassurance that if we are ever blessed with more kids in the future I know I will be able to do it because I've had the greatest teacher. 

A mom at any given time has about 10 different balls in the air, our minds never stop wandering and thinking about what needs to get done all while keeping to a set schedule. After becoming a mom I know for sure that I took much of what you did for granted. To keep a family running takes continuous work, and it can be a very thankless job sometimes. Every day you wake up and manage to be the glue that holds everyone together, the therapist we sometimes need, the sponge that soaks in all our troubles and worries, and a friend all at the same time. I hope one day Everly and I have the type of relationship that I have with you, the type of relationship that allows free speech even if it is not always what we want to hear but maybe need to hear. The type of relationship that brings laughter, long talks, sharing of advice or stories, and unconditional love. 

I know my journey is just starting, but I wanted to take the time to say how eternally grateful I am to have you by my side both as my mom and as my teacher. Your guidance and help never goes unnoticed even if I forget to say thank you sometimes. Thank you for being there for me through all the ups and downs, always being at the finish line of all my accomplishments, and for pushing me to be the best version of myself. Thank you for being Everly's "Gam Gam" and showing her the things Kyle and I can't. 

We all love you! Happy Mother's Day, you deserve the entire world everyday.
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EIGHT MONTHS WITH EVERLY

EIGHT MONTHS WITH EVERLY


This month her photos kind of crept up on me and I almost missed it - so this month they were taken kind of last minute but hey, she's still cute! It is slowly starting to hit me that in 3 months it won't be just the two of us every day anymore and I will be back to work. That part has been hard, I knew time flew but damn.. this has been a whole new level of fast. Watching her learn new things is so fun and also so sad haha I cry almost every time. 

This month her two teeth have made their way up and she no longer has a gummy smile, she is also starting to get a tooth up top now so we are getting ready for round two of teething fun. She still is not crawling, sometimes it looks like she's super close but she has discovered she can get to where she wants to by rolling everywhere. So I don't know if she will actually crawl and just go from rolling around to walking but we will see! Girl can move though when she wants to get somewhere. She also started clapping when we clap which is one of the cutest things I have seen because she is so happy and proud when she does it. Everly babbles like crazy but dada is still her favourite word to say, she rolled onto a toy today and got hurt and while she was crying and I was consoling her all she kept saying was dada :/ 

She has such a little attitude and has started flopping when something happens she doesn't like, but overall her temperament is pretty laid back. She is a great sleeper, she goes to bed between 6:00pm and 6:30pm and sleeps right until 6:00am. She also naps twice a day, first one at 8:30am and the second one at 1:00pm. She has recently started being a crazy sleeper where she puts herself into the weirdest sleep positions (she is currently napping sideways) but whatever helps her sleep! 

Her favourite things are bath time (she sits up in the bath now and loves playing with all her toys), seeing her dad come home from work, walks in the stroller, playing in her house, swinging at the park, and making music with all her instruments. This month we are meeting with Everly's daycare teacher and I'm excited to see where she will be making friends and spending most of her days. This weekend will be my first official mother's day and it is so special, I am having Kyle take some mother daughter photos so we can have some memories of the special day. 


I think she looks just like Kyle here.


you're my favourite thing about everyday <3

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POST PARTUM DEPRESSION: MY EXPERIENCE

POST PARTUM DEPRESSION: MY EXPERIENCE


Recently I have found out that the month of May is going to start bringing awareness to Post Partum Depression and I think it is a great idea. Much like the subject of miscarriage or depression in general the subject is often avoided or overlooked by a lot of society and I think that is really unfortunate. It breaks my heart that many people close to me have experienced this feeling and have felt embarrassed to share their story. I have been pretty open about my struggles whether it is with infertility or with depression and I do not regret it for a minute because it has opened up a whole new conversation with some of my closest friends and as a result it has made us stronger together. This has been my experience with PPD. 

You hear about it when you take the classes or when you read the books, I have always struggled with some form of anxiety or depression on and off my entire life which made me pay closer attention to the subject when it was discussed, but I was still naive. You think you're ready for this amazing little human but you're not at all. Suddenly you're at the hospital with a whirlwind of visitors and your body is slowly going back to "normal." I thought to myself in the hospital (day 2 of being a mom) "oh awesome I must be one of the lucky ones who didn't get depression or baby blues!" Then I got home and reality sunk in and suddenly I was hit with the baby blues. This lasted two weeks and the first couple months in general were a blur but basically it felt like even though I had people visiting I still felt alone. I cried at the drop of a hat and had no idea why, I was struggling emotionally with every choice I made. I remember one time crying because I didn't know what to make myself for lunch, and because I couldn't come to a decision I didn't eat lunch. Those two weeks were a struggle and sometimes I wondered how people could live like this for extended periods of time, I prayed that the feeling would go away. The feeling did disappear for a little while, I finally started feeling like myself again and that was really awesome. Then January hit, and the feeling of depression came back and I was devastated. I remember crying to Kyle, I kept saying "I don't understand why it was gone and then now it's back." I think a combination of hormones being out of control and personal issues I was dealing with at the time made things unfold the way they did, and it's something I'm still working on today. 

It's not her it's me, and it's a daily struggle because I feel guilty when I have bad days because I want her to see the best version of myself all the time. My love for her is undeniable, I would give my life for her at the drop of a hat. Unfortunately PPD make some days really hard, but overall I can feel myself getting better. The thing with PPD is that it doesn't care whether you have all the help in the world or not, I have a husband who is the most hands on father, he adores his daughter and is always available for help and I have my family who has displayed such amazing unconditional love for her. As hard as it has been dealing with this form of PPD, I do recognize that there are people who suffer to a much stronger degree, and my heart aches for those people because I know how hard this feeling is I could not imagine feeling worse. 

Being a mom is the biggest blessing, this is what I wished for, I would not trade any aspect of my life for anything. She is the reason I wake up every single morning determined to have a good day, and she doesn't determine whether my day is easy or hard, it's my hormones. I find that social media can often times be detrimental because a lot of people only show the parts of their life that are put together which sometimes makes me doubt my ability to parent. But something I keep telling myself is everyone has bad days, no matter what they post or what you see. There are days that are hard for everyone because we are all human, and we are all figuring this new job out. 

I feel truly thankful I have been able to confide in a few friends about my experience, and to be reassured that it is OK to feel this way. You are not a bad mom or person for feeling this but it is important that if you are, you seek help or find support. I am glad I was able to recognize my feelings and work at changing them before they ultimately got worse. Never let anyone try and guilt you into how you're feeling or make you feel worse, one thing I tell myself at the end of every day is that I am doing a good job, I am a great mother, Everly is healthy and thriving and she loves me. Telling myself those things have helped get me through some tough days, and I am passing them on to all of you <3 

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