Dear Everly,
This last year has gone by in the blink of an eye, I sit every morning, coffee in hand and watch you move around and explore and I can't believe my own eyes. I can't believe that you are part of me and that I get to keep you forever.
Prepping for your arrival was definitely interesting, I nested the minute I found out you were a girl. I had always envisioned a little lady and I was smitten when the tech said "it's a girl!" The road to have you was hard and at times felt hopeless but you were growing inside me perfectly and I woke up every morning beyond thankful.
Nine months seemed to fly by just like your first year because before I knew it I was sitting in my doctor's office for my 38 week checkup, he asked me if I was having any cramping or pain and I said no which made me upset because I felt like it was going to be forever until your arrival. He checked me and said "you're 7cm, you're going to have this baby today."
Unfortunately my Dr didn't realize I was dealing with a mini me, which meant you didn't actually arrive until 4 days later because you're stubborn just like your mama. Our journey started off rocky, you were new in this world and I was new at being a mama. I was scared, nervous, and unsure of everything I was doing with you. Breastfeeding was really hard, you were needing more than I could provide and I beat myself up over it for a long time. I took you to lactation consultants for help, you were losing weight and it was scaring me. Ultimately we made the choice to formula feed and once you were getting the food you needed you started to thrive. Seeing you thrive put my mind at ease, and I started to be a little easier on myself, my mental state got better, and our relationship blossomed.
I can remember the first couple weeks we co-slept, and I loved having your little body next to mine, you loved sleeping on your side so I felt you breathing all through the night. I loved opening my eyes to your beautiful face every morning. When you were about six weeks, you started to outgrow co sleeping, and you started sleeping in your own room in your crib. I couldn't believe it, for every milestone instead of forcing things, I let you lead me. You have never steered me wrong, your sleep schedule, feeding schedule, everything has been set because you showed me exactly what you needed.
The beginning was hectic, at times it feels like a blur. But looking back it was such an amazing time in my life. You were such a good baby, never cried unless you were hungry, and you were all smiles for the people around you. I see more of your personality shine through everyday and I can see myself in you and also your dad. You're spunky like me, you have that "my way or the highway" mentality right now, but I see moments when your heart is so big and you love so much, and I know you get that from your dad.
You are and always will be the light of my life, my rainbow baby, my heart and soul. I would do anything just to see that sweet little smile, and I can't wait to continue to watch you grow and see the things you do. I hope this next year is filled with love and growth - I hope you continue to be healthy and happy every day. I hope I can continue to teach you things and show you more of the world so we can learn together.
I owe so much to you, you challenged me and showed me the type of person I want to be everyday. You showed me the importance of acceptance and patience. Saying I love you just doesn't feel like enough, but I love you so much. I see the bond I have with my mom and I hope years from now we have a bond that is similar. Something that is special between the two of us, I already feel so incredibly connected to you. Thank you for choosing us to be your parents, I hope we make you proud xo
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