Ahh that million dollar question I have been getting non stop for the last month. As I prepare to go back to work (insert crying eyes here), people have been wondering what comes next. I like to consider myself a serious planner, even though things may not always happen in the time frame I would like them to, I have it all planned out. For the first time in a long time, I've got nothing! Sorry to disappoint you, but this is the one question I honestly do not know how to answer!
What I do know is that in a couple weeks I am back to work full time and Everly is going to daycare. This alone is breaking my heart. As much as I know it will be good for her to make friends and all that jazz, it has been her and I everyday for the last year. We will adjust as time goes on, but this transition time is going to be hard for me.
More babies? Maybe. I say maybe but my heart is screaming YES OF COURSE. Right now I am continuing to work on myself (I have one last follow up blog post coming about eating keto), and just enjoying our daughter. Everly is 98% of my time and energy and I love that. So I know my heart isn't ready to split time. I am just open to whatever happens, I want to do it right if possible in the sense that I would like to go back to my OB and have him see where I am at in terms of hormones and levels. It has been so long I have no idea where I stand, which is scary too. Putting myself back into a place where I am vulnerable again is really scary. Going through our trials of getting pregnant feels like another lifetime ago, which is both good and bad. I have no idea where I'm at and the thought of possibly having to experience more losses is something my heart can't handle.
I get really nostalgic when life changes are about to happen. Like right now, I think back to last year when I was about 31 weeks pregnant. I felt like I had all this time and that a year is so long.. but it's not. It goes by in lightning speed. I saw the tv show I was watching the night my water broke, and I couldn't help but get emotional over that!
Writing more? I hope so! Time will be a little few and far between once I am working again. But I know for sure I want to write about Everly, I love being able to look back on pregnancy and early moments.
Right now I am trying to just ride the wave and see where it takes me. So far it has been bumpy but rewarding. We shall see what happens, I'll try to keep you posted!
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