It is crazy to think that this is my 5th time sitting here and writing some type of review or reflection of the year previous. When I started this, I didn't know what it would be or if I would even keep up with it. Some years it has been neglected a bit more than others, but for the most part I have been able to keep some type of record of my life since I married Kyle in 2014.
In so many ways 2018 was one of the challenging years, but in others it was filled with so much happiness and joy. I am finding it hard to write about the year in general because there are so many mixed emotions attached to it. Am I where I thought I would be this time last year? No. Is it more than I expected? So much more. I never have an outline or plan for these posts, I just sit down and write out what comes to mind about the year passed, so here it goes!
I started 2018 confident. Confident in my abilities as a parent, partner, and coworker. As the year went on I felt some aspects of that slowly start to fade. I felt myself wanting more from my job, I loved it so much, but I wanted to expand and learn more. I applied for a new position within the company, and the interview experience in itself was rewarding. It solidified that I am knowledgable about what I do, and I am confident in my abilities as an IT. When it didn't pan out I felt lost for a bit, but still happy because I still got to work with a great team. It was at that point that the conversation to expand our family became more and more talked about. Kyle had wanted to grow our family for months, and I kept putting it off because I felt like I wasn't ready.
April I decided it was a good time to start. Knowing the struggles we had with Everly I assumed it would probably take at least a year, maybe more. So I had called our OB who helps us with fertility and made an appointment. 4 weeks later I got a positive pregnancy test and that was when the year really jumped into high gear. My pregnancy with Everly was perfect, if it wasn't for my bump I wouldn't have even know I was expecting. This one not so much.. to be honest they did not think this baby would have survived. I was getting ready to go through what I had already gone through 3 times before. I had a bleed where the placenta was supposed to attach, and if the bleed did not rectify itself before the placenta went to attach, I would have miscarried. I had never experienced anything like that before, and when I started bleeding I thought it was all over. My doctor said that given my job description it would be best to be taken off work, and this was probably one of the harder pills to swallow this year. In some ways I felt a bit neglected by the people I worked with, because I never heard from any of them really once I left. What I was going through emotionally was really hard, but resting truly was the best thing I could have done. The bleed resolved itself and Jackson was growing perfectly.
The summer was when we decided to pull Everly from daycare and have her home with me. Financially we just could not have her there full time with only one income. This was such an amazing time, to get to be home with her and raise her the way I wanted. It meant so much knowing we had the summer together to grow and learn. She has changed so much in the last few months, and I feel like our relationship has strengthened immensely because I was able to spend so much time with her.
I realized more of more this year how important it is to invest in the people who invest in you. Lately I have been really lacking in that area. Life gets so busy sometimes, and I try to carve out time where I do not have my phone and can focus on my family. Sometimes that means texts and calls go unanswered, and I have to work on getting better at getting back to the people I love in my life (sorry Eva lol, I feel like you got the brunt of it). My marriage has been stronger than it has in a long time, we are learning every year a little bit more on how to deal with one another, and work better as a team. It has been so nice to have him here through all of this, I don't know how well I would have done without him. My relationship with my sister grew a lot more too as she welcomed her son into the world this fall. He is perfection, and being so far away from him hurts my heart some days. But seeing her as a mom has made me so proud, and it is something we can both relate with, and she understands a little bit more why I am the way I am when it comes to parenting.
2018 saw a lot of happy moments and memories. I am happy to be wrapping up the year, because 2019 we start with welcoming our son into the world. I can't wait to meet him and see Everly as a big sister. She has been waiting so patiently for him to arrive, and I am so glad that he hung on because he is such a special part of our family already.
My only resolution or goal of 2019 is to be the best version of myself I can be. To let go of the negativity that gets in the way sometimes, and just enjoy my family and the life we have. It's a pretty generic resolution lol, but I feel like too often I let negativity get the best of me, and I focus too much on the bad and forget about all the good. I also want to strive to be a healthier version of myself once the baby comes. Pregnancy is so amazing but dang does it do a number on your body.
I hope you all had an amazing year, and continue to love and grow as we enter the new year!
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