I am having a hard time wrapping my head around the fact that I am already almost (Oct 11) one month postpartum - time truly flies and I hate to sound like every person ever but it's true. I haven't even wrapped my head around the fact that I am a mom to a person fully, sometimes it still feels like I'm babysitting someone else's baby. But here we are, one month as a family of three and it has been quite the adventure.
A friend of mine told me to "not be an instagram mom," because being a mom is one of the hardest jobs out there, and to slap a filter on it and call it perfect just isn't true. She's right, I seem to post plenty photos of Everly sleeping peacefully which might make it look easy, but it has been such a learning curve for myself. Yea she still sleeps a lot, but what my instagram feed doesn't show is me up every two and a half hours at night to feed/change/soothe her, me battling the baby blues for the first week and a half home, me also battling with the choice to formula or breastfeed, and me just questioning everything I know in general. Nothing prepared me for this little lady, not the books, the classes, or the advice of others. I was not expecting the labour I had with her (it was traumatizing) and I was not expecting the baby blues. Luckily I had the help of a few amazing friends and fellow mommas as well as some family and I can't thank them enough for the support they gave me when I felt like I was just a terrible mom and failing at everything.
Everly has brought so much happiness and love into my life, I cannot believe some days that she is mine forever. I spend my days just looking at her when I should be resting when she rests, but I can't help it - she is such a perfect human. Even though yes it has come with its challenges, I have never felt more alive and felt like I have a purpose. She is my everything and she has truly completed my family. Everyday she is more alert and I have enjoyed every minute with her, she has such a funny personality and she is so loved - I couldn't have asked for a better child. Right now she still sleeps quite a bit, but when she is awake she likes looking at her black and white toys, touching her brother Bentley's fur, and listening to us read her stories. I had to pack away all her newborn clothes and it made me cry, she only wore newborn sizes for one week..so she is currently rocking 0-3 month clothing.
As far as the recovery - everyday I feel a little more like myself. The tummy still looks and feels like a deflated balloon but hey, it was far from perfect before I got pregnant anyways! I think I may be experiencing a side effect from the epidural because I do still have a lot of lower back pain in my left side (the side where it wore off during labour) which is unfortunate but it does seem to be getting better. I did get an episiotomy and the recovery from that was not fun but the last few weeks have been better. The experience in general was not what I had envisioned but I know a lot of people's "birth plan" never go the way they want it to. She was stubborn until the very end that's for sure.
All in all, it has been a whirlwind of a month. We have all taken the time to learn about each other and get used to our new roles as a family. It has been rewarding and I am so happy that this is where I am in life - a mom to a little girl. She challenges me every day to be the best version of myself and I have a new found love and patience in my day to day life. If I could tell her anything and for her to understand it would be that she is everything I wished for and that I hope that I am doing a good job at being her momma and that I am so happy she picked me to travel through life with.
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