It has been a hot minute since I did a blog post! I was off last week and wanted to write, but it turns out I was a lot busier than I had anticipated. Definitely did not have the Netflix days I had banked on when I finished my last exam on Friday but what can you do! (Sam if by chance you are reading this, I have yet to start Once Upon a Time haha but I am trying to make time for it!!)
I wanted to write something a little bit more personal again, and I will go back to the fun things later on this week (I have a recipe I tried, and some of my monthly favourites coming your way!). For the past month, I have been feeling very upset and out of place and I did not really know why, I had no reason to be upset! I had just gotten married to my best friend, school was going great, I have the most amazing support system, so why would I feel sad? I want to preface by saying, this sadness did not get to the point where I could not get out of bed, but I definitely felt it affecting my moods and my relationships around me, and my motivation was beginning to decline as well. I was putting out negative energy, and I knew it was only a matter of time before I started getting negative energy in return. Some days I was good at hiding it, I would smile and laugh with people, and other days I literally wanted to punch everyone I saw in the face. Every day was a gamble and it is not something I wanted to continue.
I knew something had to change, so I talked to someone about how I was feeling, and not really knowing why I was feeling that way. This helped a lot! I felt a weight lifting off my shoulders and started to slowly feel better. This feeling comes and goes for me, it is something that I struggle with and have struggled with in the past. I have a lot of anxiety and it is something I work with almost on a daily basis. It is not something I normally talk about, but this is what makes me who I am! Talking it out got the ball rolling, and I started to feel more positive. I currently have a calm and happy outlook, I feel excited for the future! I have some things that have happened this week that I am excited for, and also I have been having nightly talks with Kyle about our plans and upcoming adventures (our honeymoon being one of them). We have such a great life together despite all the little arguments and head butting, and talking to him makes me calm because he knows me so well and can sense when something is wrong almost before I do. I do not want to feel sad about life because I know I am extremely blessed, but sometimes it is something I can't control. Knowing this, and getting the help that I need allows me to straighten myself out and continue own the path I was heading without being derailed.
I also try to surround myself with people who lift my spirits, and I have to say that a major lifeline for me is my school family. I spend more time with them than I do Kyle it feels like! But I love it, each one of them bring their own personality and it is so fun to be at school sometimes. Everyone in my life is important to me, and I hope that if I ever seemed closed off or bitter, it was not intentional, it was something I had to work out with myself and I am still doing so! I have also spent the last few months trying to make everyone happy and see everyone, but I think that I needed to find a balance with school, social life, our photography, and self care. And my self care took a backseat for a long time and that can't happen anymore. I was basically burnt out, and as much as I would LOVE to see everyone whenever, sometimes it is just not possible. People will either understand or get upset, but I would hope that they would understand. Balancing my life is something that I am still working on, this past year I have been busier than ever before, but I do enjoy where I am going. I also think seeing my immediate family more will help, I will be seeing my sister and my mom this weekend which makes my heart so happy!
So, basically, that was my little rant/explanation as to why I may have been feeling distant. This is not new for me, like I said above it is something that comes and goes, but we are working on it step by step and just taking each day at a time :)
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