TWO MONTHS POST PARTUM
Wednesday, 20 March 2019
It feels like time goes extra fast the more kids you add to your household. This winter has been tough but time still feels like it is flying. We just celebrated Jackson's two months, which means I am also two months post partum. I just recently had my check up with my OB, and it was really bittersweet because it was the end of the road for us with him. Kyle and I both have grown to really love our OB, he has helped us through so much. If anyone is unfamiliar with our story, we struggled with infertility and loss for 2 years before finally having our little sticky baby (Everly). Our OB helped us manage and fix the issues we were having, and we were able to have two beautiful children. There were a lot of nights where I didn't think I would ever have a family and that was a really dark time in my life.
But here we are, two kids in, and it has been quite the adjustment. In some ways it hasn't been as hard as I thought, but I still haven't been brave enough to leave the house by myself with both of them lol I still either drop one off or have help come with me. I think once the weather gets nicer things will feel a lot easier, because right now it takes so much effort to leave the house and some days it just feels overwhelming. I feel like my attention has been focused solely on my kids, which is how I feel it should be. But sometimes things tend to fall short, like communicating with others via phone and text. I know this is just a transitional period and it will get easier as time goes on, I just wish others understood my availability can be patchy at times.
My healing this time around was completely different and I think that has contributed to my state of mind. I felt fairly normal pretty much the next day. I had bleeding of course, and I had pretty painful contractions when I nursed, but in terms of tearing I had nothing to worry about. I did have the baby blues again and that is one aspect that always turns me off of the entire child birth experience. I hate the way I feel, I hate crying every minute over nothing at all, and sometimes it feels like my mind is just showing me nothing but negative thoughts and it makes me feel so guilty. This time I had the baby blues for about a week, I think a lot of my anxiety and emotions were centred around Kyle going back to work and me being home alone. But by day 2 of him being back to work I found comfort in making our new daily schedule and finding our new normal. In terms of my emotional state this time, it is so much better. I was on anti depressants with Everly but this time I have not felt like I needed it. I feel so much more stable and confident this time around, and I'm thankful for that. Other than a few situations I am trying to work through in my personal life, everything has been manageable and we are getting really excited for warmer weather!
I am trying to get back into a low carb eating plan, not keto at this point because I don't think I can handle something so strict at the moment. I have also purchased a gym membership and have started going twice a week to start. It feels good to have the time to focus on myself and it has really helped my mental state also! I have about 30-40lbs I would like to lose, thats a combination of weight I gained while pregnant and some extra lbs I had before I got pregnant.
Overall I feel at peace with how my post partum healing has gone this time. I feel like I am in a much better place than I was with Everly which helps because now I have two kids I'm running after. The temperatures are starting to get nicer and I am ready to have tons of park and zoo dates with my kids!
